


Spies and Other Complications

by Wallwalker



Series: HSO Bonus Round-Up [11]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sgrub Session, Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Fancy Dress Ball, Multi, Spy Fiction, polyfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-16
Updated: 2012-06-16
Packaged: 2017-11-07 21:41:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/435749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wallwalker/pseuds/Wallwalker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat prepares for a long night. It's always long, when Vriska comes to visit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spies and Other Complications

**Author's Note:**

> Written for HSO Bonus Round 1. Prompt: Karkat ♣ (Terezi/Vriska), spy thriller and comedy of manners. I'm not sure about the Comedy of Manners part, but I tried!

You know you're in for a tough night as soon as you recognize the shape of Vriska's horns, the twin stings of two dangerous beasts rising none too demurely out of her long black hair. 

You groan to yourself as you finish a long drink of something that was probably derived from Faygo, back in its history. You don't usually like the stuff - it reminds you far too much of the bottles that you have to remind your moirail to put back in the coolifier - but it's oddly bracing, and you could use more of that tonight. Terezi is somewhere in the back room, chatting with her fellow Legislaterators, but she'll get wind of this soon enough. Best you reach her first.

You're on your best behavior for the night, you remind yourself. No vulgar language, at least not where anyone can hear, and no outright displays of romantic intent, ashen or otherwise. You've never been ejected from one of these galas before, although you very nearly did have to leave when they tried to send Gamzee away for being entirely _too_ pale for their comfort. You sure as shit are not going to make this the first time.

Vriska, as usual, is dressed on the very edge of appropriate for these gathering - no uniform, her formal suit on the edge of too plain, her decorations only just hinting at her blood color. You wonder what name she's using this time, or if she's even trying to hide anymore.

Fortunately you don't have to come up with a flimsy pretext to pull her away; she nods and makes excuses as soon as you've caught her eye, and sashays over to you, swinging her long wild hair. "Well, _hello,_ Lord Vantas," she murmurs to you, looking you up and down. "Bright and bold as ever, I see!"

You are NOT going to be embarrassed, you tell yourself - you're the one who's dressed _appropriately_ for your surroundings. "Not as bold as you are," you answer back. You've got to keep your voice down. You can't let anyone stare. "So, who are you today?"

"Ah, of course, how very rude of me!" She hands you a card. You barely glance at it. "This place is entirely too stuffy for my tastes. Shall we take to the balcony?"

You don't even have to think to translate that bullshit. "Of course," you say.

She offers you her arm before you can offer yours. You sigh and take it, releasing it only to press a few buttons - you want the balcony to be private, with one notable exception, of course.

The balcony is private enough, and you drop the courtesy as soon as you're there. "Okay, Serket," you say - not the name she's using now, but who cares, seriously. "What the fuck is going on, and why couldn't you have at least warned me first that you were going to show up here?"

"Aww, Karkat! Is it SO hard for you to believe that I just missed you?" she says, pouting. "I wanted to see you! And her too, if she's here -"

"Oh, you know she's here. You know damn well she's here and you probably know where she is, and you're just waiting for someone to tell her that someone who looks an awful lot like her old kismesis is here so that _you_ didn't have to make a scene. Not that I'd let either of you do that shit in the middle of a gala." Good grief, but you're starting to wish you had a drink. "And all of that aside, I _know_ you didn't just come here for the food and the company. So why don't you just cut the crap and tell me the _other_ reason that you're here, before I go up to one of the drones and tell them who you really are?"

There's a moment of silence as she stares at you, her irritation finally starting to show. It cracks quickly, though, and she starts to applaud, and you hold back a groan. Maybe you'd have some kind of blood cocktail after this, you think. Something green. "Oh, Karkat, you never fail to disappoint! But if you don't mind, I'd like to wait until Terezi arrives. She has an important part to play in this caper!"

Oh, no. "Fine," you say. "So I guess we make stupid fucking small talk until she gets here, huh?"

"If by small talk you mean that I tell you all of the amazing spy adventures I've been up to, then yes," she says. "Do you realize I just got back from an entire planet of separatists who thought I was their glorious leader by the time I was done with them?"

You sigh. "Oh, yes, Vriska. Do put some excitement into my life with your amazingly self-centered tales of - oh, wait, that's right, I don't fucking care."

"You don't? Yeah, right," Vriska said, and laughed. "Come on, it's like something out of your action films! I seduced a half-dozen jerks who thought there was something off about me, I cracked into a database with just two fingers - heck, I actually had to charge into a burning building and run out with a whole armful of wrigglers! Do you know what they did after I faked my death and ran off with all of their secrets? They made a statue of me in my honor, Karkat. A _statue!_ "

"Look, if I want to know about this, I'll watch the Vriska Serket Awesomeness Hour. Oh, _wait,_ it doesn't exist and it never will, because _no one cares -_ "

"You presume far too much, Karkat!" 

You nearly jump right out of your skin. "HOLY SHIT TEREZI WHEN DID YOU GET HERE," you say, before you can calm down enough to remember the rules of grammar and sentence construction. "I had this thing set to alert me -"

"There are ways around such measures!" Terezi is looking quite dapper, as usual, in her red uniform. Her glasses gleam quite eagerly as she walks closer. "And once again you presume that because you are bored with Vriska's self-centered ramblings, that I must be as well!"

"Awww, Terezi," she says, grinning in that convoluted way she has, baring all of her teeth. "I knew you missed me."

"Of course," Terezi answers, leaning in just close enough to make you nervous, not enough that it would be appropriate to physically separate them. Yet. These two know you far too well. "And I would very much like to hear these stories! How else am I to know the width and breadth of your sins?" 

"If I'm a sinner, then you're the devil," Vriska shoots back.

"Enough," you say, taking a step forward. It's enough to convince them that maybe they should separate. "Look. Vriska. You said you were waiting for Terezi to tell us the big news, okay? So look, here she is. Start talking."

"Big news?" Terezi perked up a bit. "Really?"

"Yes, why do you think I'm here?" She leans in closer to both of you and starts to whisper. "Rumor has it that there are whisperings of betrayal amongst the highest levels of government, here on this very colony. Her Imperial Benevolence, of course, sent me to examine them, and to deal with any traitors that I find."

"Ooooh," Terezi said. "Vriska, you had me at traitors."

"Wait," you say, "hold on, just a fucking minute. Why doesn't Feferi just come down and accuse them? Why send you to tiptoe around them?"

"Because she doesn't have any proof! Just reports," Vriska says with exaggerated patience. "We have information that they're wanting to secretly set the culling drones on non-lawbreakers that they don't like, for one thing."

"Hmph," you say, trying to not look worried. You're pretty sure it's not working, though. You were first in line for the culling drones when Feferi took the throne by force, and everyone knows it. "Okay. Look. I want to hear more about this, but we're gonna have to head back somewhere private. Terezi, your moirail's off planet right now, so how about we go there?" You'd really rather not complicate things by getting _your_ moirail involved in this. He probably would, too, just to protect you. 

"Why, yes, Karkat, I am sufficiently intrigued that I will not be cross with you for volunteering my home for our clandestine meeting," she says, but she's smiling. You think that's a good sign, this time.

"Well, then, it's a date!" Vriska brushes her hair back and pulls away from both of you. "I have to go mingle a little bit longer. One hour, okay? You kids have fun!" And just like that she's gone, probably out there mingling a little more, pretending that she isn't about to start spying on the government tomorrow. She'll probably end up flirting with one of them before the night was through, for that matter!

"Well," Terezi said behind you, "that went well!"

"Yeah," you say, sighing. "You mind giving me your access code? I'll head back to your place and sweep for bugs and things."

"There's no need of that! I do such things regularly, as a good enforcer of the law must." Then she looks at your face again, and shrugs. "Then again, I suppose that if it would make you feel better, you may have a turn as well. I will send you the code en-route!"

"Thanks," you say. "Stay out of trouble, okay? Especially with her." 

She grins. "Trouble," she says dramatically, posing for a moment before she walks back out through the privacy field, "can wait until tonight."

You have no doubt she means it, too. Judging from past experience, you're in for a night of top-secret spy shenanigans interspersed with ashen makeouts, and you're honestly not sure how much of either of them you can handle. 

Ah, well. One does what one must for the Empire, you tell yourself as you disable the field. Besides, who knows? You might even enjoy it. A little.

You are, you think with a sigh, the worst liar in the universe. Especially to yourself.


End file.
